The silent assassin

I'm doomed

So I began work this week and it has been very fun. It seems that we have a very good staff and Ihave good hopes that this summer will be significantly better than last. I am doing well so far in just about everything. I got of mines with only minor wounds and I now qualify as a junior. The money is finally finding its way back into my wallet, and my mind is relatively calm and relaxed. This should all be good news, however the victories that I have been having are hollow for the most part as they have opened me up to an issue that I have been avoiding for some time. After getting away from mines and its horrid ratio, I had planned to devote some of my time to meeting people and taking care of a part of my life that I had neglected for nineteen years. I was confidant that the summer would be good to me. Unfortunantly this is not the case. I suddenly have the fear of being the kid that gets trapped in the candy store! Let me begin by saying that there are several very cool ladies that are on our staff this year. The only reason that I bring this up is that I was dissapointed to learn that a girl that I met last year had not come with me. It would have been so much fun considering that we clicked so well and we almost hit it off last year. I am afraid that has ended. This year I have met several ladies ( by my standards anyway). However they are all already taken, or they seem very distant. This has usually been the case. For those who don't know, I am not exactly well versed in these matters. This got me thinking of why this is. Although I don't obviously have the answer, I see two glaring problems. One is that I have completely given up on my gut feelings. They have led me astray many times before. I have made mistakes because of my missinterpretation of the situation. I have also in these instances forgoten to heed useful advice. Like my parents telling me that I went too far for some first dates, but I chose not to listen because of my solid grasp on the situation. I don't mean to say that I regret anything that I have done, but to say that I have learned from my mistakes, usually int the not so nice, brutal manner. This is why this summer, I am ignoring my feeling that I have about one of the fine ladies that I met. Mostly to spare the me looking like a dumbass and losing dignity consequence. I know that this is different from most men because I have decided to step down and let her make the first move. I know this has never worked, but I have great respect for women, and I don't want to try to force something that isn't going to happen. I also don't want the pity because it proves nothing. For once I want someone to come up and give a straight answer. Probabbly far fetched, but a man can wish. My other problem is that I believe the saying that goes something like if you love something let it go and if it comes back it is yours. But anyway I am afraid I must go now. I will write more I promise

The hopeless romantic
JJ

posted by J @ 7:24 PM