The silent assassin

this one is for me

So I recently took my roommates advice, or rather a challenge to change my current destructive path of behavior. I decided to change something that has been a plaque within me for many years. I will admit that without his push it might have never come about. I don't really know why I agreed to take his challenge, especially because well it was my primary means of relieving stress and making myself completely invincible to emotions. No it isn't alcohol. This spans many more years than I have been drinking. It was a call that I haven't tried for over 6 years. So far it hasn't been easy, and it has completely made me very scatterbrained. I haven't felt many emotions for so long. I have completely lost the ability to really be angry, which is good because well if I had a short temper it wouldn't necessarily be a good thing. I still am able to control my anger to a degree that I have yet to see from anyone. It is nice to have really strong feelings again, finally feeling human once more. I chose my behavior as a means to escape all of the pain of rejection. It is also really nice to have confidence come back to what it was before all of this. The healing will take time, but I can finally stand on my two feet, ready to take whatever life has to throw at me. My roommate saw a problem and addressed it and now I am doing it for me. I missed so much during this time and I am sorry to everyone for my actions. Hey on the bright side I am now almost able to look people in the eyes with confidence.
Peace and love
Jens

posted by J @ 1:04 PM