Close call
Yes there is a lot in my head to write about (for once) but I chose to write about the happenings of the day because it pissed me off. My parents before have never had the desire to check my room before ever. It was a kind of unspoken rule that my shit is my shit and you don't have the right to go looking through it. Well today my mom suddenly decides that all of my private paperwork is fair game. I don't know why it suddenly became ok but it did. So before I left for work I had to meticuously clear out my room of everything that I didn't want to be seen. It wasn't that bad, but I did have to waste some money. I had to get rid of a box of condoms, and they don't come cheap. I guess that it is better than being found and having to answer a bunch of bullshit questions. See I am a virgin, which is fine, but the condom box wasn't full. I bought it during e-days when I trusted my feelings and was misled once again. My friends however needed a few for the weekend and I let them take them because well I had no use. Instead of leaving them at college however, I took them home and forgot about them. It is a good thing that I got rid of them because, well it would have been worse to try to explain to my parents why I had a not quite full box. I don't know but it probably wouldn't be the best conversation. Hell if I get accused of something I want to make damn sure that I did it. Anyway just a kind of random ass rant but its something. My binder on the other hand was left, but never searched because I placed it with some school papers.
Peace and Love
Jens
Learning
I have been back in Denver for about a month and a half now and well the summer that I had great expectations for is somehow molding itself into my own little hell. I wanted to talk to people and just kinda get to chill a little. Now it seems that I just plan on being bored. Between work and washing cars, I don't get much time to breathe. The time I do get I waste by driving around or tv. It didn't used to get to me, but I think I got ADD from college. I always have to be doing something or talking to someone. Thank God a girl that I work with seems to have the same problem or work would be really boring. Oh and I laugh at everyone using cars now. It is so damn expensive which makes it nice to have a $5 a week alternative. Plus I can go faster on my motorcycle ( safely). However cars are funnier to race, which I confirmed tonight. It is fun to floor it on hampden. Got to a buck 10 when I realized that I don't need to lose my license. Anyway I learned something today. I learned that when playing games it is easier to say that you are a virgin by choice rather than by circumstance. Circumstance leads to many uncomfortable questions. I won't go into it here but lets just say I won't make that mistake again. If you really care to know, hit me back but I don't have to explain it to the public.
Peace and Love
Jens
I'm doomed
So I began work this week and it has been very fun. It seems that we have a very good staff and Ihave good hopes that this summer will be significantly better than last. I am doing well so far in just about everything. I got of mines with only minor wounds and I now qualify as a junior. The money is finally finding its way back into my wallet, and my mind is relatively calm and relaxed. This should all be good news, however the victories that I have been having are hollow for the most part as they have opened me up to an issue that I have been avoiding for some time. After getting away from mines and its horrid ratio, I had planned to devote some of my time to meeting people and taking care of a part of my life that I had neglected for nineteen years. I was confidant that the summer would be good to me. Unfortunantly this is not the case. I suddenly have the fear of being the kid that gets trapped in the candy store! Let me begin by saying that there are several very cool ladies that are on our staff this year. The only reason that I bring this up is that I was dissapointed to learn that a girl that I met last year had not come with me. It would have been so much fun considering that we clicked so well and we almost hit it off last year. I am afraid that has ended. This year I have met several ladies ( by my standards anyway). However they are all already taken, or they seem very distant. This has usually been the case. For those who don't know, I am not exactly well versed in these matters. This got me thinking of why this is. Although I don't obviously have the answer, I see two glaring problems. One is that I have completely given up on my gut feelings. They have led me astray many times before. I have made mistakes because of my missinterpretation of the situation. I have also in these instances forgoten to heed useful advice. Like my parents telling me that I went too far for some first dates, but I chose not to listen because of my solid grasp on the situation. I don't mean to say that I regret anything that I have done, but to say that I have learned from my mistakes, usually int the not so nice, brutal manner. This is why this summer, I am ignoring my feeling that I have about one of the fine ladies that I met. Mostly to spare the me looking like a dumbass and losing dignity consequence. I know that this is different from most men because I have decided to step down and let her make the first move. I know this has never worked, but I have great respect for women, and I don't want to try to force something that isn't going to happen. I also don't want the pity because it proves nothing. For once I want someone to come up and give a straight answer. Probabbly far fetched, but a man can wish. My other problem is that I believe the saying that goes something like if you love something let it go and if it comes back it is yours. But anyway I am afraid I must go now. I will write more I promise
The hopeless romantic
JJ
